How do you organise a party in Space? You Planet
If a man remembers what colour your eyes are after the first time he meets you…You probably have small boobs
Zebras look like horses that have legged it from prison
My goldfish can pop and lock on my floor…but only for like thirty seconds, then he stops
Who would win in a fight? King Kong or Godzilla…neither, Chuck Norris doesn’t let his pets fight.
Yo momma’s so fat, she only learned the letters K.F.C. in the alphabet.
I have a nice parachute for sale, only one lad used it and he never even opened it…
What does a skeleton use to call his friends…A telebone.
What makes lots of noise and is yellow…Custard Screams.
Why are babies good at basketball…they are great dribblers.
What do you call A french nun with five boobs…Sanctity.
Never trust an atom…he makes up everything.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb…as many as you like, cuz feminists can’t change anything.
Knock knock, who’s there…interupting cow, interupting cow w…MOOOO!!!!
How many women on their periods does it take to change a lightbulb….three, AND IT JUST DOES OK!
What time does an Asain person go to the dentist at…Tooth Hurty
What’s an Irish man’s best invention…underwater windscreen wipers
It’s only ‘Stalking’ if she knows you are on the jog with her and doesn’t want you there.
How do you get a German to fix your roof…tell him Beers are on the House
Why are women better at making eye contact with men…Men don’t have boobs
You are such a bad person, your birth cert was an apology letter from the condom company
The wheel is spinning, but the Gerbil is dead
Your head is like six beers with no plastic to hold them together
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my neighbour…not yelling and screaming like the passenger in his car
Politicians and nappy’s are similar. They both should be changed regularly, for the same reason
I dare you to take a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time
Women and men aren’t equal. Can a woman walk down the street bald and with a beer belly and still think she’s sexy
My doctor said I was sick. I told him I needed a second opinion. He said you are bloody ugly too.
Take life with a pinch of salt…lick it, then slam the tequila and bite the lemon
Never use fire to fight fire. That’s really stupid